Making this one public so it gets shared.
In our modern world, many of our young people—and even those not so young—grapple with the challenge of finding a truly worthy partner. Questions abound: Why is it so difficult? Where do I even begin? As a church that does not restrict its priests from marriage, we are able to offer guidance on this vital topic. Drawing from hard earned wisdom and practical insight, let’s explore a better path to building relationships that endure through life’s joys and trials.
The Pitfalls of Modern Dating
Too often, the search for a mate begins with superficial attractions. We encounter someone intriguing—perhaps through a glance or a chance encounter—and we pursue them impulsively. If the initial interactions aren’t disastrous, we move to dating, and if our surface-level values seem to align, we rush toward marriage.
This approach is fundamentally flawed. It is a lazy shortcut that leads to mismatched unions and soaring divorce rates. As the saying goes, we reap what we sow. Humans are prone to taking the easy road, but the consequences are evident in broken homes and unfulfilled lives. Instead, let’s commit to intentional effort. The rewards—a strong, reliable, loving partnership—are worth it.
Defining What You Truly Want
Before seeking a partner, invest time in self-reflection. Envision the person you’d want by your side through every life stage: the excitement of dating, the adventures of youth, the commitments of marriage, the joys and challenges of raising children, the balance of work and play, the navigation of conflicts, and the companionship of old age.
Key Steps to Clarify Your Ideal
- Focus on Deep, Intrinsic Characteristics: Prioritize qualities that foster long-term success, such as adaptability, critical thinking, reasoning, agreeableness, and willpower. These traits enable a partner to grow with you and handle life’s complexities.
- Avoid superficial factors like physical appearance, education level, or geographic location. These are dynamic and can adjust.
- Balance Your Priorities: Emphasizing the wrong traits can unintentionally exclude the right ones. It’s like a set of scales—if you overvalue strength, you might undervalue compassion; if you prioritize raw intelligence, you could overlook emotional warmth.
- Narrow to Essentials: The more criteria you add, the smaller your potential pool becomes. Identify your top 3-5 non-negotiable requirements (e.g., integrity, kindness, wants children), and treat the rest as desirable options.
- Beware Shallow Priorities: If physical attractiveness ranks higher than qualities like emotional fitness or shared values, you’re setting the stage for disappointment. Such relationships often struggle to provide a stable foundation, especially for raising children. A partner who accepts superficiality may bring other hidden flaws.
Remember, exceptional partners—those who are attractive, intelligent, caring, and capable—do exist. However, they’re rarely spotted in fleeting settings like speed dating or casual encounters.
If you’re young or still or re-discovering yourself, seek counsel from trusted people, particularly those who’ve sustained long-term, loving relationships. Their lived experience can help refine your vision and highlight the best traits for your unique path.
Where and How to Find Them
Once you’ve defined your ideal, strategize your search. Consider where such a person might naturally be found, tailored to age and life stage.
Potential Venues and Approaches
- Unlikely Spots: Bars or random grocery store encounters? Probably not—these favor superficial connections.
- Promising Environments: Schools, workplaces, churches, or community groups often attract individuals with shared values and depth.
- Geographic Considerations: Would they live in your country, or might you need to expand your horizons?
- Age-Specific Activities: A 22-year-old might be in school or starting a career, while a 40-year-old could be established in professional or volunteer roles.
- Introduction Methods: Approach directly with confidence, or use a third party (like a mutual friend or church member) for a facilitated introduction.
- Modern Tools: Dating apps and professional matchmaking services may help narrow a large pool, but they also bring additional problems we’ll cover in the warnings below.
The key is alignment: Seek environments that support the characteristics you value.
Verifying Authenticity and Compatibility
Discovery is only the beginning—trust must be earned through verification. How can you ensure the person before you is genuine, not a facade? Some individuals present an idealized version during courtship, only to reveal their true self later, leading to heartache.
Strategies for Validation
- Leverage Trusted Communities: Finding a partner through a reliable group, like our church, provides historical context. Communities offer built-in accountability.
- Gather Evidence:
- Review old photos and stories to spot consistency over time.
- Engage with their family and friends for insights into their character and background.
- Assess the “pool” they’re from: If their family or circle isn’t healthy and thriving, probe for potential issues. Transparency is crucial, because no one wants post-marriage surprises.
- Test Over Time: Validate your top requirements through shared experiences, but act efficiently. You have a limited window before opportunities narrow.
- Involve Advisors: Invite trusted mentors to interact with your potential partner over dinner, a group outing, or even a vacation. Their objective observations can reveal blind spots.
If you hail from a stable, values-driven community (like a well-run religious group, heyo!), you can afford some flexibility, as the overall pool is more reliable. In broader settings, like a bustling city, diligence is non-negotiable—collect solid data before committing.
Warnings and Final Thoughts
Focus: It’s essentially guaranteed you’ll encounter distractions—interesting individuals who offer short-term fun but fail your core criteria. These can derail your search, as we’re easily swayed by immediate gratification. Resist! Your window for finding a partner shrinks with time; don’t waste years on mismatches. No matter how fun.
Ultimately, choosing a life partner is the most pivotal decision you’ll make, profoundly shaping your happiness, family, and legacy. Approach it with seriousness and purpose. By investing effort now, you’ll build a foundation for a blessed, enduring union. Let us pray for wisdom in this journey, and may Loki not notice you. Amen.
tl;dr
To find the right mate:
1. Identify the characteristics your mate should have to get through the life you envision.
2. Figure out where they would be and what they might be doing.
3. Look for reliable indicators by engaging in specific, targeted activities.
4. Get a second opinion.
5. Invest effort equal to or greater than the benefit you expect to receive.
Donate to the church if you find the best mate. May Loki never notice your efforts.